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Saturday, July 25, 2009

Waking Up!

The last year was a real struggle..

It started with oneday waking up and realized that I really was sleeping, and the waking up continued to a single spot that iI found out myself in a strange place, being a person who is not who I am, in a place a struggled a lot to get out of, suffering from sever case of depression and wishing to just turn back the time and reverse or rewind the tape all over again..

A step towards acheiving my dreams???? absolutely not! It was a wrong turn..

The story began last year, few months before leaving the land of zombies which is my country..
I am supposed to act in a certain way and walk on a certain path even if it contradicted my own life path that I spent years of drawing for myself...

I wanted to work, build my future, do my own thing and travel to a place where i can work more and build my fortress with my own hands. Doing what I like and get paid for it, develope myself, openning and developing my own business. to be thirty and look at myself in the mirror wearing a suit and smiling. I DID IT!

At this point of time, my eyes are wide open! I look back and all I see is illusions, I dreamt, and i had the chance to fulfill my dreams but I was just too blind to see, or I blinded myself by my own laziness and dreaming! And i made it even worse, by running away.
I realized, it was a total wrong turn of the future. I came to Lebanon, I had a scholarship to study a master degree on public administration, with a condition of serving the government for two years! Going to the trap again and serve in it for two years!! The problem is I knew it?? I just came here to run away from the trap and found myself trapped again.

I had it clear! The dream of my life! It was clear! But the pain and the depression of the shoke of waking up and some wrong advices led me to turn my head to another trap.

Whose fault it is? MINE!!! who to blame? MEEE

I was so lazy and blind to see the truth, and above that, I was too deaf to listen to my own heart

I kept dwelling and dreaming, the illusions and the dreams took control over my life and blinded me from seeing the truth, I had my dream in front of me, calling me, my heart went there..

Others tried to control my life, and I LET THEM..

Who to blame!!! Me off course!!

Smart person!! Not smart enough to listen to her heart, wht smart for